Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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