Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
