I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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