I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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