So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
