I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
