Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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