What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
