he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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