Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
