did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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