update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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