good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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