38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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