Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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