I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
