she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
