That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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