Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
