Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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