and i looked up. we had an audience...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
