So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its liver damage thursday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
