well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
