Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
