I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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