I didn't shave. On purpose
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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