My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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