So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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