you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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