Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
