theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
