the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
