You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
