what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
