I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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