It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
