Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
