nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
