Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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