Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
