drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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