I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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