I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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