Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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