my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
