Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
her vagine was all disorganized.
I bet he comes in French.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
