so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize