He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
