the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
