Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
