I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
