I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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