Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
