i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
