the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
