wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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