he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
