Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
