Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
