but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
