Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
