Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize