Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
