Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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