are you so shy because you have an std?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
