just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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