3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
