summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
